You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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