I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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