i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
