so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
