There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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