quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
