I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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