Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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