I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
