margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
