i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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