what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
