I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
