i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
