The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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