she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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