three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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