I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
