i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
PS: I just woke up from my shower
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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