I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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