Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
