3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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