I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
