Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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