You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
