please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
