First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
