We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
