I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
