I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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