i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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