i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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