how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
whose parrot is this?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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