I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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