you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
