I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
