This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
