she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
that may or may not have been my penis.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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