I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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