I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
