Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
