Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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