Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
