why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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