plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think people are normalizing furries
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
