I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i think i just lost a toe
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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