Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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