You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
