I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
