Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
