When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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