like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
