home. puking in laundry basket.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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