It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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