Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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