I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
