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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
