I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
