tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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