exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
