And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
