You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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