I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
