alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
