yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
worst night to have a conscience
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
