Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
