Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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