i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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