My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
