if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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