first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
