you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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