Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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