when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
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