I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
