out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
